smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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