i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got inside last night via doggy door
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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