he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
