So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I could fuck to npr.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
