omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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