And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
