Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
