i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
