i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
