I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
