Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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