Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
