When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
