I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
