I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
