my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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