How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
