Jerry, you need to find god
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
