Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
