fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
