just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
