I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
