2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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