how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
