As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
