Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've blown a few things in my day
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
