True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
do nipples grow back?
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