I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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