i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
