I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
