well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
