I showed him my bush... on skype.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
