does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
