you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
