im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
