he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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