Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
