Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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