I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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