she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
