this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
