my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
