No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
