Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
