im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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