i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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