last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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