Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
