I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
