Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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