Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
