I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
