wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
