Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
