I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
