I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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