Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
