So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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