Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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